Listen, Pray, Be Calm

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak,

slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” 

James 1:19-20

Be quick to hear and slow to speak… LISTEN!

Catherine M. Wallace said: “Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what.  If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”  I’ve also heard it said that: “While we are trying to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”   

This advice is not limited only to those raising up little ones.  Listen earnestly to everyone in your life.  Be aware of how often you have an emotional reaction that impacts your words and actions.  Be aware of how often others speak and you only hear part of what they say.  Be aware of assumptions you make about what others are really saying.  Think of how much you have to lose when you are too busy to just listen. 

Slow down and PRAY!

I know I’ve heard it said more than once: “Determine to pray more words over your marriage than you speak about your marriage.”  Lysa TerKeurst writes about this and reflects: “I think about things. Discuss things. Complain about things. Attempt to fix things. Work on things. Apologize for things. Want to change things. And then I discuss things some more.  But talking about things, thinking about things and working on things … these are not at all the same as praying for them.”  Then, in her article “Five Scriptures to Pray Over Your Marriage,” she lists specific scriptures that you can pray.

In October 2013, I wrote: “I've been focusing more on how to pray without ceasing.  It seems to me that a strong mother would try to take time to put things in perspective and to pray before speaking and acting... but I'm a work in progress.  I'm more aware now though of how I need prayer and of what can quench the Spirit.” See “Positive Perspective” for more on intentionality, prayer, grace, and choosing love and joy. And remember, when you pray, to wait in expectation... stop and listen to God.

 
Slow down and BE. CALM.  

Ruth Schwenk starts her article by sharing how she was venting to her sister.  Been there?  Been there.  Then Ruth shares how her sister quietly spoke these wonderful words: “I know how hard it is, but you have to remember that a mom sets the tone for her household.  The mood of your family will ultimately reflect your own.”  In her article “Mom Sets the Tone: 5 ways to reset your mood when anger strikes,” Ruth gives specific ways that she improves her mood and attitude when feeling on edge.  Also, please see my reflection, “Mothers Matter,” for more on the importance of choosing words wisely, using time wisely, and embracing real life and joy. 

When calm, it's easier to have perspective.  In "P E A C E," I review some of Ann Voskamp's reflections about the poison of perfection, about the promise of hope and love, and about "making space in the pace for peace."  

I recently read: "More patience, less reaction."  I've also seen this on Pinterest:

 
Ever responded to an upset, crying, yelling child with “You. Need. To. CALM DOWN!” …yelling yourself?  Been there?  Been there.  I’m not perfect.  My husband is not perfect.  My kids are not perfect. But, there is someone who was and is perfect, and He is here for you!  Your kids don't need perfect... They need you, and they need you to lead them to Him.  How will others learn from us if we don’t teach them in our talk and with our own walk?  I’m ready to keep leaning and learning!

Listen, pray, be calm, then speak!   

I've heard that: "You can't recover the word after it's said." As scripture cautions: anger ≠ right conduct.  It's as simple as this: An angry person doesn't do what God approves of.  If you want to be slow to anger, then be quick to turn to prayer and peace.  As Sheila Walsh said, "Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of Christ."