1st Broken Bone

I really thought with how active my youngest is that Ezra would be the first with a broken bone.  However, Asher gets that achievement.  Sunday, before supper, Al took the kids on a bike ride to the park to play.  Asher got adventurous and jumped off the top of a slide.  It went well the first time, but he fell before he was ready the second time.  His right forearm broke his fall when his feet slipped out from under him.  After they returned home and I examined him, I knew we needed a doctor to take a closer look.  Urgent care took x-rays and determined he had a forearm fracture (of the ulna bone).  He went home with a plaster splint and sling.  Asher was upset because he worried it was broken, but he handled it all very well.  I thought he'd be more interested in the process of wrapping his arm, but he was more interested in the Dukes of Hazard episode on the hospital television.  He was very happy to get copies of his x-rays to show everyone though.

Apparently, Asher was paying closer attention than I thought to how to splint an arm.  After seeing the Orthopedic Doctors on Tuesday and getting a long arm cast, he returned home to play doctor with his brother.  I was the patient.  Nurse Ezra was great, listening to my heart and checking my nose and throat.  He even gave me medicine for the pain.  Asher got the cotton wrap and elastic bandage out of our first aid kit and, after showing me my x-ray, wrapped my arm in a splint (just like his minus the plaster wrap in between).

After lunch, I had to return for my follow up appointment.  Again, the service was excellent.  Nurse Ezra cut off the bandages.  Doctor Asher let me pick out the color I wanted and then (using yellow construction paper and pipe cleaners) made my cast.  They were so wonderful that they even signed my cast.  Asher let me know, when I get it off, that I can keep it as a special memento.

The boys have been very creative this summer.  Here is a picture of them playing doctor last month:

Thankfully, while Asher was upset about the splint, he has adjusted well to the cast.  He only had to wait two days to see the Orthopedics doctors, and they were excellent.  After setting his arm in the cast, they did an x-ray to be sure the bones were set just as they needed to be and it looked great. He has gotten a little more comfortable with the attention.  I'm not sure he's ever going to enjoy strangers asking him "What happened?" but he likes people signing his neon yellow cast.

Household Helpers

Morning place mats have been working wonderfully for two years now.  But, with summer fast approaching, I knew it was about time to set up some sort of system to let the boys know what chores I expect them to help with.  At 5 years and 7 1/2 years old, they are able to help out more around the house, especially when they are home all day.  Also, we have been discussing starting to give our boys allowance. 

All of this got me thinking about what would work best in our home.  A great excuse to look at Pinterest for inspiration... right?!  You can check out my "Parenting" board on Pinterest, where I saved some of my favorite ideas.  There are lists of developmentally appropriate chores for different ages, commentaries on linking allowance to chores (or why you might choose not to), and many creative ways to create chore charts.

The thing is that my husband and I don't want our children to think of their helping around the house as "chores."  More important, we want them to understand that certain helpful behaviors are their responsibility as a member of our household.  This mind set applies to both "chores" or jobs around the house and to routine responsibilities.  Here are a few examples of responsibilities that I expect my boys to take care of without my asking: put your shoes away when you come inside, flush the toilet, clear your dishes after you eat, throw your dirty laundry down to the basement.  So, we decided to extend the idea of our morning routine and also establish summer afternoon and evening routines where the children are reminded of their routine responsibilities.  Here are the cards:














So many ideas on Pinterest were very cute and definitely practical.  In the end, however, I decided I wanted the boys to be responsible for more than just a half dozen of the same daily chores.  Inspired by how another mother used mailboxes, I came up with our non-chore non-chart household helpers kit.  (BTW: The boys helped me decide on the name.)

See that list on the left?  Looks like a lot of household jobs, right?  Well, they each only get a half dozen maximum each day.  But this way I can change the jobs as needed.  I wanted the boys to help with whatever needed to be done on a particular day, instead of doing a set list of daily chores.  They have enjoyed having variety in what tasks they help with around the house and learning to do new jobs.  They actually begged me to hurry up and finish the project and have asked to help choose jobs!

So, here is a quick run down of how I made our kit: 1) I purchased two mailboxes at the craft store.  2) I made a name label (sticker) for each boy, and I used an awl and brads to attached two old card catalog drawer pulls (that I had stored away in the basement).  3) I printed a ticket image and a chore on each card (using sheets of business cards that I already had).  4) Then I laminated the cards (and printed a master list of jobs) and stored them in our family binder.  5) Finally, I created envelopes for each boy to "mail" them their allowance.

 

And, in case you were going to ask... We've been discussing how to handle allowance for some time.  Each family is different, but here is what we decided: Since my husband's paycheck comes every two weeks, the children get allowance every other week also.  The total paid each month equals their age in years.  (For example, when a boy is 8 years old they receive $4 twice a month.)  Allowance is an opportunity to teach our children about wise money management (saving, giving, spending) and is not linked to chores.  Because we are all part of this family, everyone in the house is expected to help with jobs (or chores) in addition to their routine responsibilities.

Morning Place Mats

What parent wants to follow their children around reminding them to take care of basics like getting dressed or to pick up after themselves?  What parent wants to nag about getting everything together before school or getting their chores done?  We're not perfect and yes my children sometimes leave a trail of dirty clothes, leave a room a disaster, or leave their lunch at home.  But, I don't want that to be our norm.  I want to raise boys with awareness and responsibility.


My children work best with routine, so I work with that.  When my oldest was in 1st grade and my youngest started 3-year-old preschool, we started setting out a place mat for each boy at breakfast.  Our oldest has always been an excellent reader, so his place mat has words.  Our youngest has a picture schedule.  The left column labeled "To Do" is their morning routine.  The right column is our version of "Get Your Gear," which is a list of what they need to gather to be ready for school.  If they are not staying on task in the morning, I simply say: "Check your chart.  Are you all ready?"

Morning place mats work for us for a variety of reasons: The boys like it.  If they are off task, I can ask a basic question and I do not have to remind them about specific responsibilities all morning.  They like being responsible and independent.  I, of course, like this too.  Also, they are motivated to get ready so they can fit in some free time (like playing or reading) before school.  Sometimes, when they don't need reminders and have been very responsible, we even let them have a little screen time before school.  It's so nice not to have rushed, stressful mornings!

This system has worked wonderfully unchanged over the last 2 years.  As the children got older, they've helped with more "chores" throughout the day.  In the morning and after school, the boys have gotten used to looking for dishes or silverware to put away, laundry to fold and put away, or another way to help out around the house.  The great thing is that jobs have gotten done with very few reminders!

Let it Go!

It was the middle of last week.  It was a school night, and all the homework and chores were done.  Before pm preschool, my youngest helped me bake banana bread for snack.  After school, my oldest helped me get the lasagna ready.  Then the boys set the table.  They were motivated!  It was movie night on a school night!

I was excited to curl up on the couch with my boys and finally get to watch “Frozen.”  I was happy to be relaxing, to know that my husband would come home soon to join us, and to know supper was already cooking in the oven.  It was a great movie, BUT… I can’t get the song “Let it Go” out of my head now!

Since I can’t escape this song, I’m going to share what I’ve learned from various versions of this song and my own recent thoughts on why I need to learn to let it go myself.  First, let me say, that I do enjoy hearing my children sing.  Although, some days, I do wish they’d switch the play list up a bit. 

I want my kids to have a healthy emotional intelligence.  We’ve had a number of great discussions about the phrases: “Conceal, don’t feel.  Don’t let them know.”  Just part of our ongoing discussions about how feelings aren’t ever bad, but you have a choice on how you respond to “big feelings.”  Yes, my children are blessed with a mother who therapizes at times.  Don’t worry, my good friend (also a mother and also a therapist in her pre-parenting days) has assured me that we will mess our kids up on our own special way.  It has occurred to me more than once, however, that I need to let it go if I want my kids to learn to do the same.

How often do you conceal your reality?  How often do you say you’re fine when you’re not?  How often do you try to be someone you’re not?  

Many times I have heard my children passionately proclaim the following: 

“Let it go!  Let it go!  Turn away and slam the door!"  

"I don’t care what they’re going to say!” 

"Here I stand and here I’ll stay!"

It’s really hard not to feel the conviction and freedom in the lyrics.  I want to be passionate and purposeful.  And, I want to raise children that are confident in themselves and that will stand on their own convictions.  It’s easier to be the woman, wife, and mother that I want to be when I turn my back on perfection. 

Also, there’s the guilt  and anxiety that many of us feel.  Yes, that’s in the song too: 

“It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small. 

And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all.”  

I think perspective really comes after deciding to slam the door on feelings controlling us.  (Yes, you should acknowledge and feel your emotions, but I’m talking about feelings controlling your thoughts and actions.)

How good would it feel to let it go?!  

Speaking of different perspectives… I think I can’t get this song out of my head partly due to the many versions that have come across my path in the last week:  

JimmyFallon, Idina Menzel & The Roots sing “Let it Go” from “Frozen” with classroom instruments.

Brian Hull does the voices of Disney and Pixar characters singing “Let it Go.”

Deva Dalporto sings her own “Let it Go – Mom Parody.”

Deva Dalporto’s alternate lyrics from a mom’s perspective also speak to the positive impact of a little distance:

“It’s funny how some distance makes them seem so cute. 

And the kids that drove me crazy don’t bother me at all.

It’s time to see what I can do when my hands aren’t covered in your poo…

Let it go!  Let it go!”

Of course, this reflection comes after a litany of daily situations that most moms can relate to.  Here is how her song starts: “The night light glows in the nursery tonight, not a tantrum to be seen.  My living room’s a pig sty, and it looks like I need to clean.  My kid was howling like a crazy beast outside.  Couldn’t quiet him…”  And, then she retreats to the toilet: “Don’t let them in.  Don’t let them see.  Take a moment to yourself and pee.”  I found this very funny, because I’ve been there!  Have you been there?

The thing is today I did let go of perfection and, while I prioritized a little to get some things done, I made sure to put taking care of me on the list of things I need to do.  One of Deva Dalporto’s refrains says: “Let it go.  Let it go.  It’s okay to shower at noon.”  Wow, that’s totally my day today!  I did shower at noon, and my kids are still in their pajamas.  I finished my book today while the boys filled the living room with wood unit blocks, people, and a variety of cars.  They happily played for a couple of hours, and we just had a fun, chill afternoon.

You know what my book said?  The heading was “Got Guilt?”  It’s amazing how a little perspective, a simple but different look at a situation, can make you laugh and breathe.  Thanks to Dr. Kevin Leman for this gem: “If you’re evaluating everything that you do during the day and starting to sort out your highest priorities and what you can let go, something’s going to happen.  You’re going to be flooded with guilt.  But I can’t not go to that lunch, you think.  I’ll really offend my friends! If you have friends like that, then I’m sorry for you.  Get some new ones.”  Sometimes we need to let go of our internal expectations, but sometimes we need to let go of outside pressures too.

I want to be authentic and live a real life.  I want people around me with passion and purpose, and people that respect mine.  If the people in your life can’t be real and can’t respect the real you, then they aren’t real friends who will see you through the real that life inevitably brings.

So, here is the part of “Let it Go” that I love.  Here is the part that I just heard today in Demi Lovato’s full version of "Let it Go":

“I finally can breathe.  I know I left a life behind, but I’m too relieved to grieve.” 

Wow!  Also, Demi Lovato speaks of the contrast between “Standing, frozen in the life I’ve chosen” and the feeling when “The past is all behind me.”  Yes, sometimes you may feel frozen in fear, in sadness, in guilt, or in a you that other expect you to be, BUT... You too can walk on and slam the door on all that is holding you back from who you want to be.  Let it go!  Breathe!   

What do you need to slam the door on today?  What do you need to embrace and make time for today?

Rhythm: Finding the calm in the chaos

Have you ever been in that place where you have so much to do that you’re so   overwhelmed  and so you just do nothing?  Or, have you realized that sometimes you just  go, go, go trying to accomplish all the things you “need” to do, only to feel exhausted and unaccomplished?  Maybe you’ve found yourself in both of these situations!

Last night the kids went to bed well and on time.  So I was able to put up my feet and open up a book.  (Yes, a real book!  More on that later.)  Then… I heard footsteps coming down the stairs!  I watched as the door slowly opened… I saw our large Main Coon cat emerge from upstairs and walk directly to the basement.  (Breathe.)  Wow, it’s so nice when everyone in the house (even the cat) knows that it’s time to rest!  I went back to relaxing.  I was thankful, because I know some days it feels like I’m  chasing… chasing the kids and cats and calm.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how chaos can overtake a day.  Do you see that picture above?  It
may not look like much, but that mess in my front seat takes a lot of time to put together and even more time to put away.  All that is necessary to make Mondays run smoothly!  Too many days like this and life starts to feel a little out of balance.  Are you making yourself  crazy with too many chaotic days?

When people mention  balance, I take notice because that’s been my focus word and my goal for a few years now... or maybe more like the last decade.  When I started reading “Unforced Rhythms of Grace,” I took notice right away because she started with this: “I have long loathed the word balance.”  What?!  But, as I read the rest of what Beth Guckenberger had to say, I entirely agreed with her perspective.  She goes on to say: “A while ago, adapting a principle I read in Matthew, I exchanged ‘balance’ in my vocabulary with ‘rhythm.’ ” 

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?

Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.

I’ll show you how to take a real rest.

Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.

Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

~ Matthew 11:28-30 (from the Message translation) 

Beth had written what I’d been trying to put into words!  I’d been thinking that one fast paced day I can handle, but I need my week to have rests in it too.  Rhythm!  Beth continues: “God, in all his perspective, has written a daily rhythm we can listen for and sing along to. Some days, the rhythm picks up a bit and you move fast, other days, it’s slow and sweet and the only way you can fold into the day’s rhythm is by listening to the one who has ‘written every day before they came to be (Psalm 139).’ Balance makes me think I am in control… Rhythm sounds like a posture of listening, discernment, and being Spirit-led.”

How do I find calm in the chaos? Step 1: learning to keep company with God.  Step 2: dancing to the rhythm of His song, not mine.

Remember that book I said I was reading?  Well, last night I was reading about how you can’t do it all.  Helpful, since this morning I woke up a little overwhelmed… overwhelmed with all that I want to do, with all that I feel obligated or think I “need” to do, and with the little energy I have to do it all (because of my head cold and because a little boy, scared of the rain last night, crawling into our bed).

Today I’ve decided to embrace that I can’t do it all.  I’m going to enjoy writing to you all.  I’m going to get the dishes done that are sitting in the sink.  I’m going to get outside and walk.  Yes today I’ll walk to get my boys from school and slow the pace. Today we will enjoy a leisurely chat on our walk home.  It’s Friday, and it’s finally stopped raining, so we’re going to set the pace to positive and pleasant and just roll with the rhythm of this day.  Today I’m going to do a little of everything and enjoy it all!  I’ve decided to take it one step at a time so I can listen for the rhythm that is today. 

How do you find calm in the chaos?  How have you embraced not do it all?  How do you find your rhythm?

Hope: He is risen!

In the fall of 2013, I reflected on how we sometimes believe lies in the post titled "Loss and Lies." I wrote: "Lately, I've been thinking that sometimes we don't want to see these things (pain and loss).  We don't want to talk about these things... But, what if we asked the hard questions and wrestled with the truth?"

source

I distinctly remember the day...
kneeling before a wooden cross,
repenting of sin,
picking up an old nail,
putting it in that wooden cross. 
realizing the pain 
of having someone you love suffering,
someone you love dying. 
realizing Jesus was separated 
from his father God.
realizing a perfect Jesus felt it all,
all our suffering and sin.
understanding His body was torn,
He was torn from God.
feeling fully the sacrifice and love
for the very first time.


When He wasn't what we expected, we watched and waited.  When He didn't do what we wanted, we turned from laying our robes at His feet to hanging Him out to dry.  We crucified Him with our words.  We crucified Him with nails in His hands.  But, honestly, our sin is what really nailed Jesus to the cross.  And, truly I tell you, Jesus' love is what kept Him there.

Today we celebrate Easter.  Today we celebrate Jesus' resurrection.  Today we celebrate love and true life. 

Today I sing "Oh Glorious Day!"
"Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sin far away
Rising, He justified freely for ever
One day He's coming, oh, Glorious Day, oh, Glorious Day"

Today we remember sin:
"One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me"

Today we remember hope:
"One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now is ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him,
The grave could not keep Him from rising again."

This morning I read "On Hope and Praise" by Teri Lynne Underwood on Managing Your Blessings.  Teri shares: "Hope in Scripture means “confident expectation.” Hope isn’t wishing something would happen; it’s believing God is faithful to His word. Hope means we stand firm in our faith even when the world seems to be falling apart around us. Our hope is based entirely on God’s character, not our abilities or efforts."  Teri continues: "Maybe the measure of my belief is the depth of my praise. Maybe the answer to my doubt is worship. Maybe the cure for shallow faith is deep praise.  I’m finding when I truly believe, when I have a confident expectation, when I hope continually in the Lord, there is nothing left to do but praise Him. And as I praise Him more, there is more hope, more faith, more belief.  I don’t know what situations you are facing today. I don’t know where you are struggling. I don’t know what fears and doubts are hindering your hope. But I do know this: praise is the answer. When we recall His faithfulness, our faith is grown. When we recount His provision, our fear is lessened. When we remember His presence, our doubt is defeated."

On the cusp of Spring and new growth peeking through the dead, I lean forward offering a sacrifice of praise and wearing the joy habit.  Today we gather our family and embrace hope.  Today we praise Him, we embrace love, we celebrate life!
 

I distinctly remember that day when I was sweetly broken.  Today I sing: "At the cross you beckon me.  You draw me gently to my knees, and I am lost for words, so lost in love, I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered... You've called me out of death.  You've called me into life.  In awe of the cross I must confess how wondrous Your redeeming love and how great is Your faithfulness."

source: Southern Belle View Daily

Today I remember that Jesus paid it all!  So I cherish that old rugged cross. So I sing "I will cling to the old rugged cross and exchange it one day for a crown."

Today we celebrate Jesus' birth, life, death, and resurrection.  Today we celebrate His love and our life in Him.  John 14:6 reminds us that:

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. 

No one comes to the Father except through me.

day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now is ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/casting-crowns/glorious-day-living-he-loved-me-lyrics/#5v2TiJJRJWDRRu29.99